being women in Egypt

What does it mean to be a woman in Egypt? How do we live amidst and relate to the constant assault of our bodies by hungry male eyes and hands and words? This is a frequent topic of conversation among female friends in Cairo as we each struggle with the all-too-frequent harassment in our own ways.

Do you respond with anger? Tit for tat – words for words, a punch for a grope, send the message that their behaviour is unacceptable and that you (and we women of Egypt) will not stand for that kind of treatment? If you do not respond or ‘retaliate’ does it imply that you are encouraging them to continue in this behaviour, or at the least that they can ‘get away with it’? Or does this actually serve the man’s cause… he has successfully provoked or upset you, and therefore taken power from you? Is venting anger cathartic or does this leave you distrusting or resentful of all men you encounter on the street after awhile - your anger barely below the surface, walking with a chip on your shoulder all the time?

Do you respond with law? Hold the offender accountable by going to the police, send a message to society that there are repercussions for this type of inappropriate behaviour as Noha did? Will winning a few court cases change this behaviour, and more importantly the mentality behind it?

Or radically, do you respond with empathetic sadness and, as appropriate, patient words? Do you see the brokenness in the man and in the society that has shaped him to seek power over others… perhaps because of the powerlessness he feels in his own life? Do you try to have a reasoned conversation with him, tell him you do not appreciate his remark, that you are just like his grandmother, his sister, his daughter, his wife… (re-humanizing women!) and ask him, ‘Would you treat your loved ones in this manner’?

Do you sometimes choose not to outwardly respond at all – and mentally to not to let yourself be triggered with anger at his words or behaviour… Practicing mindfulness, inhaling ‘forgive him for he knows not what he does’, and exhaling love. Where is the balance between justice and forgiveness in this world?

These thoughts have swirled in my head over the last 14 months as I have explored many of these approaches.

The first time I was grabbed (one week after my arrival in Egypt) I responded in a shocked reflexive outburst, “Hey you can’t do that!” before I knew the words were out of my mouth. Other men nearby quickly apologized for the offending man’s actions, and then yelled at him in Arabic. That affirmed for me that it is not ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ to violate a woman this way and that it can be important to speak out. It was insightful as I navigated new cultural terrain.

Often I choose not to outwardly respond to derogatory comments and looks. They are too frequent to waste energy on and if I allowed myself to get angry every time I would not have any peace of mind ever. So, sadly I often move about in a private bubble of sound, ipod phones wrapped around my ears. Part of me wonders if this is a manifestation of desensitization… or complacency in the current situation…so much so that I only become angry and saddened when a man ‘accidentally’ brushes a hip or buttock as he passes.


And often I think about something that Einstein once said, “We cannot solve our problems at the level of thinking that created them. We must learn to see the world anew”. And I wonder how we can see this situation anew to move towards addressing the root causes of gender-based violence and broader violence in this society and every society.

While I certainly don’t have things all figured out I believe that on a personal level it is important to begin dismantling the walls we construct for ‘protection’… and instead create that protection in the community around us.

I live near an embassy that is heavily guarded. The corridor beside the embassy is well lit and so at night it would be a comfort to walk there were it not for the gauntlet of hissing men to pass. I now recognize that when I collapse into my own head-phone bubble I seek only to ignore them… begin feeling anger towards and judging all male police officers here and actually begin to dehumanize them back.

Sometimes the best defence is a good offence!

With these thoughts in mind I’ve begun a new experiment with these guards… greeting them with peace before I pass and they mutter dirty words in my ear. And after a month and a half I have to say that it’s working! Now, instead of sexually charged hellos I get greetings of peace in return! And I feel safer! I wonder if this kind of positive approach could be tried on a larger scale… perhaps not greeting every man on the street before he can look you up and down, but at least seeing him as a human being first instead of a chauvinist. I’ll keep you posted on further experimentation. =)