an idealist's struggle with cynicism

Right now life in Cairo has its ups and downs. Some mornings I wake up to the sunshine with a smile on my face: motivated to move about the city, conduct interviews with working children, or represent PPIC-Work at a CIDA 'Synergy' meeting. Other mornings I feel I'm walking in a heavy fog (both metaphorically and literally). It's not that anything is 'wrong' - it's just facing the reality of life here and feeling the challenges of inequality and violence in the world.


After attending a few conferences and presentations this month I'm feeling heavy or discouraged about the development industry: particularly about the amount of money spent on fancy brochures, paper pushing and publicity gigs which could do so much more good if channeled into project programming instead. Why are so many conferences and workshops conducted at lavish hotels? How can we justify spending so much money on things that begin and end in words alone?

Unfortunately, this is not my first exposure to the uppity side of development. While interning in Ghana I represented our tiny NGO at a three-day workshop at a National Park out in the northern Sahel. We had a wonderful time 'mainstreaming' gender in all aspects of a large International NGO's programming while on safari. (I'll never forget being chased to the lodge by a ferocious baboon, or watching elephants congregate around the nearby watering hole!) But on top of the sheer decadence (and dare I say hypocrisy) of it all, most of the NGO staff got wonderful per diems to compensate them from being away from their families. (What a tremendous sacrifice!) As I felt guilty about those unnecessary expenditures in Ghana, I felt similarly foolish tucking into a four course meal at a five-star Nile-side hotel last week.

This time the conference was to celebrate the achievements of an SME policy project within the Egyptian Government (which CIDA funded for the last seven years). Sitting in on panel discussions and plenaries for two days was not my idea of fun: most of the information was not relevant to our project, or, in my opinion, to the majority of the people attending. And perhaps the height of the conference's ridiculousness was the awards ceremony the first night. After presenting plaques to people who contributed to the project and left, to who those who stayed, those who provided technical support (etc ad nauseam); the final awards were for the three presenters themselves. While they took turns bestowing plaques and shaking each other's hands in formal spectacle I had to stifle a sad laugh... is this where our taxes are going?! No wonder we're being called to embrace RBM more and more!

I am grateful at least that the PPIC-Work project is not embracing that egotistical approach. I have been utterly impressed with Richard's integrity as a director and how we allocate our budgets. His Egypt flat doubles as our administrative office (and we frequently work from home), our workshops are designed to train new microfinance institutions in the intervention tools we've developed, and we try not to stay in the more plush hotels when traveling for the project. If only there were more people and organizations that embraced this conscientious approach!

--

On another level I have increasingly felt myself in a fog when it comes to the practical 'how to's of development in Egypt. I am feeling this for a couple reasons. First, I have recently encountered a lot of apathy... many people (particularly in the lower economic brackets) are only working for money, and therefore are not putting much soul into their work (stretching tea time for as long as possible, neglecting basic upkeep and organization, not worrying about who they exploit through their work or the working conditions of their employees, the list goes on). Perhaps this is because they are making too little money to care, because they do not feel that the work they are doing is meaningful, or because they see little room for change... I don't know.

Apathy also extends to the community level, with widespread acquiescence or complacency about the extremes of wealth and poverty and the plight of the economically marginalized. There is considerable wealth in Egypt but overall it feels like the economy is stagnating and the middle class disappearing in the wake of gated communities on the coast and crumbling apartments in bursting cities. I find my frequent movement between Cairo's glitzy hotels and informal settlements jarring... It's hard to return to my safe, warm house knowing that children are shivering in the streets, or struggling with an abusive parent.

I have even encountered apathy in Doweika. Here business owners in the textile industry were unwilling to meet with us if there was not immediate gain for them... perhaps because they are struggling to make ends meet they do not have the luxury to care about the long term well-being of their workers and how this will benefit their business. It's also hard to know how to intervene in the textile industry over all...Given the nature of our project (starting with the buy-in of business owners through loans) their lack of collaboration presents a formidable challenge. And then, because they are not fully embracing an apprenticeship model (particularly for their female employees) it becomes hard to work with them on educational methodologies because the changes required would be too great for them to want to do.

Finally I have observed apathy in the younger generations on both extremes of the economic spectrum. Those on the low end don't seem to have much hope for things changing for them... girls who were forced to drop out of school to work at a young age see only a life of work and marriage before them. Most don't want to work once they are married because tradition dictates that they not... resigning themselves to their husband's decision-making authority over them. At the same time, many growing up in more affluent communities are sheltered from the realities of struggling neighbourhoods, and therefore feel little empathy. Encountering a private school girl on the metro the other day I heard only about her eagerness to leave her 'boring' world of Cairo coffee shops and boyfriends for a university in Australia...

In a nutshell, these various manifestations of apathy make development work here heavy.

Second, is the complex development context here... We have a small tree on our patio, planted in a garbage can. It often falls over in gusts of wind. I feel this tree is a metaphor for Egypt: trying to develop fruits (a vibrant civil society and economy), but struggling from the confinement and lack of nourishment in its roots (an atrocious public education system [which anyone who can afford NOT to use, does - perpetuating a society that is highly stratified along economic/education lines], a struggling economy, an undemocratic and enormously clumsy government, and of course attitudes like apathy and greed). Given these challenges how can we effectively change things here? It seems we cannot address educational or economic reform without addressing good governance, but doesn't good governance require an active civil society - created through education? Even in our small project we feel this vicious cycle.

Yet amidst these challenges I have to mention the dedication of many Egyptians to the development of their country. It is always dangerous to speak in generalizations as my cynicism has led me to do tonight, and I have to concede I've been truly inspired by the efforts of many peers and mentors over the past four months. In moments of ambivalence I recall the words of friends, reminding me that all we can do is scatter seeds and hope they will be nurtured in fertile soil... that we can't change everything overnight and that the people of Egypt are as human as they come - full of determination, despair, love and fear - showing us how to struggle for transcendence, living life in all its intensity.

So that's where I'm at right now... critical but I hope not jaded... still committed to learning through work and smiling at the sun.