Settling amidst the clouds

Each person has a superbly unique experience of a new environment… for some change may be frightening; for others, exciting or (heaven forbid) blasé. It has been interesting to hear other newcomers share their reactions to the city of Bradford, course instructors and classes, food, weather etc. It reminds me again how much ‘what you see depends on where you stand’… and perhaps where one has stood as well.

For someone who has recently emerged from a loud, chaotic and polluted desert city Bradford appears a calm, clean, full of green contrast.


(the Yorkshire dales just beyond Bradford)

I have found people in this community to be incredibly helpful (particularly when toting a large suitcase up stairs or as I need directions), and many people have even ventured a friendly ‘hello’ on the streets. I am enamoured with the willow trees on campus, delighted by the recycling bins everywhere, and ecstatic about the basket of local organic veg and fruit I can cart home from the Treehouse café each week. It has been a gentle transition with all the support of Rotarians and new friends, and I feel that U. of Bradford and the African PACs program is a beautiful fit for me at this point in my life. In fact, so far I am feeling this to be a period of incredible convergence for me… academically, culturally (with the neighbourhood’s blend of ‘east’ and ‘west’), professionally and personally – knowing where my heart is and where I want to channel my passions in the short and long term.

Being Canadian one of the things I have been most struck by is the weather. (What else do we talk about so incessantly?!) It’s been years since I’ve seen such beautiful clouds… high slow-moving dreamwhip sculptures, low enveloping-ly thick ones that the church steeple seems about to pierce, enchanting mists that make dewy tapestries of spiderwebs, and clusters of light and soft-rounded clouds that glow gold and fuchsia at sunset. The rains have yet to set in, and indeed I am still awaiting a proper downpour, but I’m confident it will come soon enough.



It’s nice to be in a place where I can hear myself think again, where I can blend into the background in many ways (not the least of which being on the streets – what a blessed change from dear Cairo), and where I am surrounded by so many conscientious and critical thinkers. I just attended the Africa conflict monitoring group meeting where MA and PhD students as well as faculty members share the latest news from the continent. Each person has their own academic geographic or thematic area, and today we were learning about Kenya, Rwanda, Sudan, Somalia, Angola, Zimbabwe and South Africa. Those sharing had either studied those areas extensively, or had lived in and/or were from that country. What made the session so useful was that those who spoke linked the ‘news’ with deeper historical/political/socio-economic context and explained as far as they were able the potential implications of these events. I have been deeply impressed with the caliber of students in the program – many I have spoken with have arrived after years of experience in a range of professions from accounting or security details with humanitarian organizations to work with the British military or in the realm of international law to teaching. It leads to very rich discussions and it’s exciting to have months to nurture some of these friendships!

I think who you are standing with also has a tremendous impact of what you see – both in terms of breadth as well as what you focus on. I think the diversity of our class and (dare I say) vision of our tutors and lecturers are a real strength of this program.


(some of the other Rotary Peace fellows from Palestine, Australia/Croatia, New Zealand, Zambia, and Canada)

Speaking of those who stand with you, I’ve been particularly inspired by one of my peers – a former journalist and single mom who has just moved around the world with her beautiful son and is nurturing his development at the same time as she is studying full-time. How different this transition looks and feels when one has to think about the wellbeing of another life and their adjustments as well as your own. I have been struck by her incredible courage and grace as she juggles her many roles and responsibilities. May she receive the support she needs in establishing rhythms with her wee one standing beside her.

A New Perspective on the International Day of Peace

hello dear ones!! I hope this finds you well!

The updates on this blog have become increasingly sporadic over the past number of months as life continues in its frenetic beauty. I write today from yet another continent, after a month of travel, recuperation and reconnections with beloved people and places in Canada. I am now living in Bradford, a small industry city in the United Kingdom, where I am about to begin a graduate degree in African Peace and Conflict Studies.

I arrived on September 21st, which happens to be the International Day of Peace. (Imagine my delight at the coincidence!) I am very grateful to have a fellowship from the Rotary Foundation to pursue this dream, and am one of 10 scholars from around the world (Australia/Croatia, Zambia, Palestine, Japan, New Zealand, South Africa/Rwanda, the USA, and Canada) participating in the program at Bradford this year. While Bradford's MA peace programs normally run for 12 months, the Rotary program will be slightly longer. World Peace Fellows study for 9 months with many other peaceniks, and then head off to Applied Field Experience (AFE) placements around the globe for three months while the rest write their dissertations. Next September we'll come back to Bradford for another three months, participate in a conference in October, and defend dissertations before Christmas.

Already I have been profoundly touched by the generosity of Rotarians in both Canada and England! There is quite an extensive application process for the fellowship and I have been communicating with John Wahl at my local Rotary Club in Waterloo since January 2008. He and the club have been incredibly supportive... backing me up 100% as the application went to the district and then international levels, inviting me to attend and speak at a couple of meetings, and setting me up with a beautiful umbrella and provisions for the journey over. (Yes John, the umbrella made it here with me, and will be christened by the first downpour - any day now!) Through support from Fred Sweeny at the district level I have also had the honour of meeting Rotarians in Fergus, Simcoe and Cambridge, and deeply respect their commitment to service initiatives in their communities and around the globe (eradicating polio, investing in education, mobilizing humanitarian support through shelterbox etc etc!).

I have also been 'buddied' with one of the Fellows from last year's Bradford crew, Youla, (who also happens to be Canadian), who has been wonderful in answering all my questions and helping in the transition! And then of course each fellow has a host counselor who is an amazing resource during preparations and the transition over with their advice and support, in all kinds of unexpected ways. I have been blessed with two... one for preparations and one for the transition. The wonderful Wally Hirst was so generous with his time, answering logistical questions, connecting me with others, viewing potential flats and welcoming me into his world. Then, when I arrived Monday I was picked up from the airport (at 4:45am!!) by my new host counselor, Marcela Livingston. She's a sprightly Argentinian artist with a big heart... and we talked the whole way to Bradford (over an hour from the Manchester airport). From the beginning she has been nothing but welcoming, giving me a place to crash as I needed, feeding me, giving me loads of hugs and offering to help navigate the myriad things required to settled into a new life (registering for uni, getting a bank account, getting accommodations sorted, and even providing me with bedding). I know we're going to get along really well!!

I am now happily settled in a sort of residence, with my own private room with washroom, and a shared kitchen. It is a humble and cozy space that will suit me perfectly over the next 8 months. There are about 25 rooms in the building, with mostly students, and a strong contingent of Rotary Peace fellows. I am living across the hall from a lovely Palestinian woman named Rajaa (who will help me keep working on Arabic!), a friendly Somali man named Mahamoud, and a fun-loving Zambian woman named Mabel. Dear Yuko from Japan is just down the hall. Yuko and Mahamoud are a year ahead and writing their dissertations right now, which means they will leave in December, but it will be nice to have them so close as we settle in.

I have been told that up to 90% of Bradford is Muslim, and while that may be a bit of an exaggeration, (it's more like 25%) I can certainly believe it holds in this neighbourhood. It seems all the other flats on the street have Indian and Pakistani families living in them, and on Monday they were all out celebrating the Eid. The girls were all dressed up in bright shiny dress and pant suits with long scarves draped down their backs. But that didn't stop them from playing outside... they were full of laughter in their world of games. There are also lots of places selling halal foods, Indian clothes, and restaurants with shwarma. There are two large mosques close by, and I hope I'll hear their calls to prayer soon... I miss them so much!! Everywhere you go you hear people saying inshallah and hamdalillah and that makes me happy... feeling I am halfway back to Cairo. I think that the cultural diversity here is so beautiful, but I know that I'm still in the honeymoon phase of my relationship with Bradford. I have been told many times that there is a lot of inter-community conflict here, and it does seem quite segregated, which is quite saddening. The tensions seem ironic given that U of Bradford has a reputation for the best Peace and Conflict Studies department in the country. Shouldn't we start with addressing conflicts in our own community?! Well, I'm a newbie... who knows what all is underway as I write!

It's going to be a busy settling-in time with all our commitments to Rotary. This weekend the new fellows will go away to a gathering with all the new Rotary Ambassadorial Scholars and stay with host families at night. In October there will be a district conference somewhere in Southern England I think, and then a Rotary Peace Conference at Bradford for us to host, before other commitments like speaking at Marcela's rotary club follow in November. But each of these events will provide opportunities to connect with others committed to working for peace in the world, and it will be interesting to learn more about the communities and aspects of British culture through each adventure.


You may be wondering why I have decided to keep this blog up and running after I am no longer in Egypt. There is a very simple answer to this... I intend to return to Egypt as part of my studies in the UK. I am planning to go back for the Christmas holiday to reconnect with dear friends then, and inshallah finalize the details of my Applied Field Experience. I would like to work with either the UNHCR - if possible - or AMERA again, and at the same time conduct field research for a dissertation on livelihood opportunities for refugees who are single mothers in Cairo. Of course things could still change... I have yet to consult with academic advisors and colleagues in Egypt. However this is something I am very passionate about after working with so many single mothers at AMERA, and I see it connecting into broader urban refugee and livelihood challenges around the globe. Inshallah Inshallah... for now a bend in the river, beyond which we cannot see.


As I am exploring the neighbourhood I am beginning to make a home in, the most exciting place I have stumbled across is a building by the university called Desmond Tutu House. It is the home of a laid back worship venue called soulspace, and the meeting place for student groups like STAR... Student Action for Refugees! I also found an organization called Bradford Action for Refugees online, and am hoping to begin volunteering part-time with one of their projects in the weeks to come... a decision that was affirmed in a conversation with the Anglican Reverend at Tutu House who explained their need. Desmond Tutu House also hosts all kinds of peace-related events and on Monday a few of us got to attend their first event of the school year, a documentary screening about the inspiration behind and actions generated from the international day of peace. It's exciting to be around so many people who share values, who are keen to make the world a better place, and who you can have rich discussions with. The film screening and new connections with people and places here reminded me that peace is not just the big actions, but the day-to-day commitments that we make. And there is a niche for everyone. Or in the words of Franklin Roosevelt (which I re-encountered reading Barak Obama's speech to the United Nations today):

"The structure of world peace cannot be the work of one man, or one party, or one nation. It cannot be a peace of large nations - or of small nations. It must be a peace which rests on the cooperative effort of the whole world."

Watching the film Gandhi with my family before I left I was again struck by the realization that one person can never do anything on their own... not even Gandhi!!! Each has a whole network of support that enable them to dismantle unjust systems or remold communities. As I deepen in my understanding of what Rotarians are doing on individual and collective levels around the world, I see how they are working away at one piece of that collective, cooperative puzzle. I am incredibly grateful to them for laying the groundwork that enables these humble steps forwards... towards supporting peace and development in Africa. I welcome you to join this journey, and look forward to hearing more about yours!

AMERA adieu

August has slipped through my fingers like a handful of sand. Already work at AMERA has ended in Cairo and I find myself thousands of kilometres from dearly loved colleagues and friends. A few people have been searching for updates on this once again languishing site, so let me start with the emotional goodbye I wrote to the staff and community facilitators (interpreters of language and culture, accompanists for vulnerable clients and staff for home visits).

--

Dear friends,

It is with deep sadness but intense gratitude that I write today to say “Salam until we meet again.” Over the past seven months it has been a great privilege to work with each of you. I have learned much from and with you… and, taban, the beautiful souls that come through our doors each day with their challenges, children and resilience. This is truly the most fulfilling work I have ever done.

I have come to think of AMERA as a lighthouse, and each of us inside as the listenful love, faith and hope that help to illumine paths in the fog of this very broken system and lighten the heaviness of many refugees lives in Egypt. Even if we cannot always ‘do’ things for others, I believe that simply sharing their journey and truly hearing them can be incredibly humanizing. At the same time I think there is often much progress as a result of our dedication, creativity, and advocacy and I trust that this will remain (even as staff come and go) and deepen as we continue to develop a vision for our role in Egypt.

Albert Camus’ (slightly adapted) words are, I think, a beautiful echo of our calling at AMERA:

We must stitch up what has been torn apart, render justice imaginable in the world which is so obviously unjust, make happiness meaningful for [those whose lives have been] poisoned by the misery of [conflict and persecution]. Naturally, it is a superhuman task. But tasks are called superhuman when [people] take a long time to complete them, that is all.

Even for superhumans such as yourselves it is easy to become burned out from this work day after day. I think the key for me has been to seek perspective and hope (though I am certainly not successful all the time!). When I say this I am not implying blind hope… as one quote I love says:

Hope is a state of mind, not of the world… Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good.

I wish you strength, peace and determination as you continue in this good work (amidst the frustrations of this system). Inshallah we will meet again in Egypt or elsewhere in the coming months and years. (I’m hoping to return for three months next summer, if not before).

Godspeed and love,

Rachel

more about may days - an Ani perspective

"We are made to bleed

and scab and heal and bleed again

and turn every scar into a joke."

(from buildings and bridges).

May days: scabs and sores, hospitals and healing

Her body an itchy scab
wrapped in nine years of pain and dejection,
a dream of getting out
barely flickering in glassy eyes.
What do you do when she left her country for the ‘wrong’ reasons
Are non-refugees non-beings in this sick system?

His legs mark the extremes of war
one shriveled from an old bullet,
the other fresh, throbbing, gaping,
twice its normal size.
Yet his spirit, eyes, smile – sparkling.
Sustained by hope of healing
when he gets out.

A birth, a death
a lightness, a tiredness
one life beats in the hospital after heart-opening
another hangs in the balance as he shuts out the conspiratorial world
on the streets.

Just another month in Cairo.

poem that fits the challenges of 'victimhood'

not all clients are like this but there are some days, when you feel that people are coming to you with their burdens... and it's hard to help them move beyond that... here's a poem that encapsulates this beautifully and the call to remain lovingly engaged:

A vote for the gentle light
By Charles Bukowski

burned senseless by other people’s constant
depression,
I pull the curtains apart,
aching for the gentle light.
it’s there, it’s there
somewhere,
I’m sure.

oh, the faces of depression, expressions
pulled down into the gluey dark.
the bitter small sour mouths,
the self-pity, the self-justification is
too much, all too much.
the faces in shadow,
deep creases of gloom.

there’s no courage there, just the desire to
possess something – admiration, fame, lovers,
money, any damn thin
so long as it comes easy.
so long as they don’t have to do
what’s necessary.
and when they don’t succeed they
become embittered,
ugly,
they imagine that they have
been slighted, cheated,
demeaned.

then they concentrate upon their
unhappiness, their last refuge.
and they’re good at that,
they are very good at that.
they have so much unhappiness
they insist upon your sharing it
too.

they bathe and splash in their
unhappiness,
they splash it upon you.

it’s all they have.
it’s all they want.
it’s all they can be.

you must refuse to join them.
you must remain yourself.
you must open the curtains
or the blinds
or the windows
to the gentle light.
to joy.
its there in life
and even in death
it can be
there.

Empowering Refugee Women in Egypt

Most of the women I see at AMERA are mothers. Single mothers. Husbands have disappeared, are in detention, or are not in the country with them. While it is often easier for refugee women to find work in Egypt than men, this becomes more difficult when they have children – particularly young children under the age of six. What can they do to survive, and nurture their little ones, especially when financial assistance from the UNHCR is only for people with certain levels of legal status and for short periods of time?

Thinking through these things has led me to believe that we’ve got to be more creative at AMERA… to develop interventions that support the individual in crisis and yet go beyond a band-aid solution. Sure, there are vocational training options in Cairo, but these do not provide the tools of the trade afterward or guarantee jobs… and almost all the women I know want to take the coiffeur training. What else can women with small children do?

What about:

- Opening a daycare in their community? (Especially as many women need child-care in order to take other jobs! So this creates a broader enabling environment for women to work)

- Starting a restaurant or catering service in their community? (I know I’d take Somali or Eritrean food over Egyptian any day, and I’m guessing that the people from these places would appreciate this as well!)

- Developing arts and crafts to cater to Egypt’s booming tourism industry

- Tailoring/sewing/knitting/embroidering garments if supported to start their own business from home

- Offering in-house beauty/cosmetics services (eg. waxing, henna…)

Ideally these kinds of ideas would come from the women themselves based on an understanding of the needs or potential niches in their community and the resources available to them. I’m sure they could come up with ideas ten times more innovative and profitable!

But, it’s not as easy as brainstorming… realistically here, what do women need to start up these kinds of projects?

- Working capital or a start-up grant for the initial resources

- Management or marketing skills

- In some cases direct skills for their profession

- Space to work from (eg. a house… Which many of them lack!!)

So where does one begin then: with organizations like Americans Aiding Refugees with grants for resources? With CBOs that could help women connect with the required resources and trainings? By talking with religious institutions that have a mandate to help the poor about offering skills trainings or grants? By conducting these focus groups with the women themselves? We have the framework for a project here.

And what are the remaining obstacles? The biggest that comes to mind is lack of desire of some women to support themselves!

I have noticed that women who have experienced horrific things in their past (eg. physical torture, rape, years of domestic violence in a forced marriage) often have a more difficult time taking positive initiative. In a book I’m reading about positive psychology right now there was a story about a test done on three groups of dogs. The first group received electric shocks, but could press a panel and turn them off, which they learned how to do. The second group was given electric shocks and could do nothing to stop them. A third group of dogs was not shocked at all. Then all three groups of dogs were placed boxes with a barrier they could jump over to exit. While inside the box they were shocked but when they jumped out they would no longer be shocked. Both the first group and the third group jumped out of the box, but the second group (that previously could not control the shocks) simply whimpered and stayed in the box. I wonder if some of these women are like this? They expect to suffer regardless of what they do, and don’t have any vision for how their lives could be different so they just stay in the mental boxes of victimhood that they’re familiar with. And it doesn’t help when they’re told by their doctor at one of UNHCR’s implementing partners: “All you need to do it find a husband!”

How can humans reprogram ourselves to envision a life beyond suffering, and to take some positive steps towards this? I don’t have answers to this yet – particularly in working with people operating with such different cultural frameworks. At AMERA we’ve talked things through rationally with women – explained the brokenness of the UNHCR system and that they will likely not have all of their needs met by other people and therefore have to begin meeting their own needs. We’ve suggested counseling (which is usually rejected). We’ve offered vocational training courses with UNHCR partners (though these programs are not always available in their mother tongue). We’ve talked about how strong and resilient these women have been in coming to Egypt and in raising their children, and the importance of continuing to support them. What else can we do? How do we break through?

There are some who do want to become self-sufficient through skill and business development. I now have three single mothers enrolled in a sewing course with the hopes of a grant for sewing machines and materials for them after they graduate. I have another woman working to develop a handicraft business if she gets a $200 grant for the start-up costs. It’s about finding the right match at the right time, and the resources to support this. (Fingers crossed that the grants come through for these women!).

The challenge is that these interventions are helping only a very small group of women who have taken the initiative to come to AMERA. What about the women who are not aware of our programming, who may be in situations of even greater vulnerability? How could one scale programming up to affect a much larger group of women, and how could one respond to their specific cultural backgrounds and linguistic needs? I think that these kinds of discussions need to happen with UNHCR-Egypt so that local integration becomes a more reasonable possibility here. In situations of protracted limbo we need a development orientation as opposed to a humanitarian emergency-response approach.